4 Tools & Tips on How to Break Up with Your Inner Critic and Choose Self-Worth and Courage Instead.
Tool 1: Notice & Name the Voice
You are not your thoughts.
The inner critic thrives when your are fused with your thoughts and sense of identity.
The first step is simply to notice it — without judgment.
This voice might sound harsh, demanding, anxious, or disappointed. That’s okay. Your job isn’t to silence it — it’s to see it, and for now, welcome it and get to know it.
Tip - Try this:
Write down 1–3 things your inner critic says regularly.
Then, when those thoughts come up during your day, say:
“I’m noticing I’m having the thought that…” For example: “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that I’m not doing enough.”
This creates distance between you and your thoughts. It lands you into Observer Self, see below — the self where change is possible.
Want to go deeper? Give your inner critic a nickname (e.g. I call one of my inner voices ‘Radio Doom and Gloom’)
Tool 2: Drop Into the Observer
You are the one who notices
When you start to notice your inner critic talking to you, you can choose to not react to what it’s saying and instead embody your Observing Self.
This will give you an anchor point where you will learn to notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations without becoming overwhelmed by them.
Tip - Try this:
Feel your body in your chair or your feet on the ground
Notice the rise and fall of your breath
Then say to yourself silently:
“I am the one noticing all of this. I am not my thoughts — I am the space they pass through.”
Build this muscle! Let this become a daily practice — even for 1 minute at a time, it can shift everything.
Tool 3: Choose Your Compassionate Voice
Step out of the critic’s story
From the Observer Self, you can now access a different voice — the one that’s wise, kind, and aligned with your values.
This is your Compassionate Voice — this voice cares deeply and holds you even when things feel shaky and uncertain. In some ways, the Inner Critic cares deeply about you too, but the Inner Critic’s words will keep you small because it’s scared to fail and scared of the unknown.
The next time you hear the words of your Inner Critic, drop into Observing Self and ask:
“What really matters to me right now?”
This is when courage comes in because sometimes what matters to us is exactly what is keeping us stuck. Acknowledge what feels difficult with a kind and compassionate voice and heart. Think of your favorite teacher - patient, encouraging, never shaming you for not knowing. Offer yourself that same tone of kindness and steady support as you face your own growing edges.
Tool 4: Keep Going
These tools are just the beginning - like any new skill it takes time to integrate, it won’t always be easy and you won’t be perfect every time!
If you have a slip up, if your Inner Critic voice takes over momentarily - it’s OK and it is not failure.
Remember the Inner Critic thinks it’s keeping you safe by keeping you small. It’s likely been doing a great job and it won’t want to quit so easily.
Just keep reminding yourself at times of doubt and low self-esteem:
“My worth isn’t up for debate.”
And if needed, take a moment to pause, and remind yourself of tools 1-3.